Utes to Beat Crappy Teams

Age of Empires and Job Creation

This is not job creation. One guy builds an empire by hitting the ground with a hammer? And he's the only one employed to fix everything? What a waste when you could hire 10 million villagers to do the same thing for 10 million times the cost.

Master of Online Education

It's a sad world we live in where anyone who coughs up enough cash--and especially those who cough up other people's cash--can get a Masters in Useless Whatever on the internet and then get the same jobs as the rest of us non-Masters folk and expect to be paid more since they are "Masters" after all. Or if they still can't get a job with that degree, then they decide to teach Useless Whatever to the next generation of suckers that decide they need a Masters in Useless Whatever too.

If your Master's Degree from [insert name of city in Arizona] won't land you a job where you can make money then you just paid tens of thousands of dollars for a free subscription to the knowledge available on Wikipedia. A good way to evaluate whether or not your Master's Degree is worth anything is to ask yourself, "how many of my classes can I pass while sitting on the toilet?" If your answer is any of your classes, then you are one of the people who is ruining America and Higher Education. Thank you toilet University guy! Have an extra $10,000 per year to compensate you for your deeper level of experience on the toilet.

Benign Whatever-ism

If your church tells you that you can do whatever you feel like or whatever you think will make you happy, then it's not a church. It's an "It's Okay to Ignore Your Conscience, We're All Doing it Too" club.

You Smoke, We All Smoke

I don't feel any sympathy for smokers who complain about being outcasts of society, forced to smoke in tightly packed, isolated rooms or outside in the cold 50 feet away from any civilization. Their right to give other people cancer is thankfully being gradually suspended.

Utes Good at Scoring 14

Now this is good journalism. Kudos to this newspaper for creating something worth printing in a dying medium.